3 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Last All Year Long

Every year, on the last Thursday in November, we gather with family and friends to eat too much, and give thanks for we have in life. We give thanks for the food we share, for the football we watch, for the family we cherish, and for the friendships we treasure. This year, probably more than any year in recent history, Thanksgiving comes at a time when we need to change the conversation away from our differences, and towards the things we may take for granted. Thanksgiving gives us a chance to refocus our attention, and employ one of the most underutilized, yet most appreciated forms of engaging others … giving thanks to those who enhance our lives.

Saying “thank you” is easy enough. After all, it’s been drilled into our heads since we first begin talking. Throughout our life, we learn to show appreciation to others when they do something nice for us, go out of their way for us, or just include us in their journey. We learn to show appreciation when someone holds a door open for us, when someone helps us grow, and when someone breaks bread with us. For some of us, gratitude is second nature, regardless of where we are. Unfortunately, for others, saying thank you seems appropriate in our personal life, but not in our professional life.

For some reason, saying “thank you” in the workplace is not as well respected. For some, saying “thank you” at work feels like weakness, instead of strength. As I spent more than two decades working my way up the career ladder, I worked for a number of talented leaders who openly thanked their people, openly displayed empathy, and worked in a way that included others. However, I also worked for bosses who openly chastised people for displaying empathy, for thanking others, and for including others in their journey. Care to guess which ones were more successful?

Take a look around most workplaces and you will certainly find some sort of institutionalized approach for thanking employees. Unfortunately, most of these programs lack the sincerity and timeliness inherent to actually telling someone, “Thank you” at the moment you are thankful. An abundance of research over the years by stalwarts such as Douglas McGregor, Frederick Taylor, and Elton Mayo demonstrate how people respond to recognition when the recognition is timely (or it occurs close enough to the event for which you are being thanked that you still remember what you did), personal, and sincere.

When you make a mistake, your boss, and maybe even your peers, will call out your misstep.  However, Brene’ Brown has found through her research that when you succeed, the behavior may not be reinforced for fear that it will make the other person seem “soft” or vulnerable. It seems as though some who hold leadership positions have somehow forgotten the basic rule we all learned in kindergarten … it is far easier to catch a bee with honey than to catch one with vinegar.

If you aspire to lead others, one of the basic responsibilities of your job is to influence the behaviors of your people to ensure your strategic mission is achieved. The reality is that you don’t need any fancy processes or expensive training programs. The first step to influencing your constituents is to be sincerely grateful, and then to express your gratitude in a personal, timely, and sincere manner. When you do, you will see your business results improve dramatically. 

In his book, How Full is Your Bucket, Tom Rath explores the role emotional investment plays in engaging others. He spells out in great detail the dramatic difference in results you can achieve by “filling someone’s emotional bucket rather than withdrawing from their reservoir”. Think back to the people you hold most dear to your soul. Did they grow to be dear to your soul by holding you accountable, by setting expectations, or by walking with you in your journey?  Chances are, they got there by demonstrating a genuine interest in your well being.

In Ken Blanchard’s seminal book Whale Done, the author paints a vivid portrait of the power of positive reinforcement. Imagine trying to train a whale to jump out of the water over an object by withholding recognition because you believe it’s inherent to the whale’s nature. Try teaching this behavior by scolding the whale and by punishing the whale for its failure to comply with your demands.  No animal trainer would dare try to change an animal’s behavior with either method. However, substitute a person for a whale, and all of sudden, employing these same irrational behaviors all of a sudden seems appropriate.

The lesson to learn from both Whale Done and How Full is Your Bucket is that people need to receive positive reinforcement to shift behaviors. Simply put, people need encouragement. They need someone to say, and mean, “Thank you”. In The Power of Nice by Thaler and Koval, the authors spell out the financial benefits of being nice at work. Their research has shown “nice people live longer, are happier and actually make more money than those who are surly”. 

So on Thursday, after you’ve eaten all the turkey you can stomach, just before the tryptophan kicks in, take a few minutes to think about the people in your life, both at work and in your personal life. Jot down their names and why you are thankful for them. Then start telling them why you are thankful to have them in your life. When you invoke the power of being nice, add to people’s emotional reserves rather than depleting them, and give people positive feedback, you’ll begin to unlock the key to engaging their hearts, hands, and minds. You will learn the power of giving thanks extends far beyond the last Thursday in November, and far beyond your family’s dinner table. You’ll find the true power of living a thankful life … and isn’t that the true power of Thanksgiving?

Scott Brown, MSOL, is the Founder Hardie Consulting, an  Orlando, FL based management consulting firm. Scott is a coach, consultant, author, and award-winning speaker who has successfully helped countless organizations learn how to meet shifting customer and employee expectations. Follow him on Twitter: @ScottBrownMSOL, connect with him on LinkedIn, visit his company’s website:  www.HardieConsulting.com, and check out his new book, Alignment: How to Transform Potential into Performance, Productivity and Profit, available on Amazon or CreateSpace to learn more about how to create a healthy organizational culture and highly engaged workforce.